Finding Fulfillment through avoiding regret

While a many of my posts are more structured and based around lessons/learnings, this is going to be a little less formal. What I want to do is recap a conversation I had yesterday and go a deeper on the idea of regret, what it can lead to, and how to overcome it.

For those of you who know me, or follow me on social media, you know I’ve been getting back in to one of my passions. DJing & music.

Prior to my gig last night I got to catch up with a friend (and fellow DJ) Kurt Gibson aka DJ Kurteousy (Definitely give him a follow @Kurteousy on Instagram). Along with a bunch of stuff, we hit on the topic of balancing our lives as being both Dads and DJs.

For me, it was important to get back in to DJing. Not just because it’s an extra income source (which is nice), but more importantly because it’s a part of who I am. I am not ready for my career in music & DJing to be over yet

I’ve me a lot of people over the years who have given up on their musical careers when they get married or become parents. For some, they were ready to move on to a new chapter and put music behind them. For others, they created a black hole in themselves when they left this piece of them behind.

That hole can’t remain empty forever. Some people will pivot and find another hobby, creative outlet, or business to take the place of their missing piece. What happens, though, when you are unable to find something and that black hole exists in you forever?

You feel unfulfilled

You regret your decisions

You begin to resent those around you

I was fortunate to be able to get back to doing the thing I love before I got to this point, but I could definitely feel it coming on.

You get this pit in your stomach like something is missing and you should be doing more.

Unfortunately, this feeling happens very often when we listen to the opinions of others. The world has a view of how we’re “supposed” to live. What’s funny about that view is that many of the people I meet who follow this path, are extremely unhappy down to their core.

So, when you have a dream or a passion that we want to pursue, why the hell would you want to listen to your miserable broke uncle telling you to get a good job and give up on that “thing” you do that brings you joy.

Your friends and family may want what is best for you, but it’s in the lens of what is best for them.

It’s human nature. At our primal core, we need to defend ourselves and avoid danger & harm. You can’t be upset with someone for feeling this way, you just need to be able to recognize it and know how to think for yourself and your own happiness.

Regret in the past

I have a core belief that one of the most limiting factors in people’s lives is their inability to let go and move forward from the past.

The past can be like an anchor pulling your down and absolutely holding you back.

You can dwell on past regrets or you can use them to make your future so much fucking better

1. Accept it - the past ain’t changing. Unhappy about something, regret a decision, are pissed you let an opportunity go by? Too bad, that’s what happened. It’s already in the past.

2. Own It - YOU need to own up to the fact the most things happen because WE let them. Regret is often displaced on others because we listened to their advice instead of going for something This leads to resentment which is like a festering wound that only gets worse over time.

3. Learn From It - Don’t just know that if you could go back you’d do something different. Understand WHY you would do something different. Change your way of thinking so you can be ready next time.

Avoiding Future Regret

Remember that feeling. Remember what you learned from your decisions. NOW is the time to take action to avoid feeling like that again.

I could probably break this down in to 5-7 steps to avoid future regret, but it really comes down to these 2 things

1. Take Action - Remember the mistakes you made and don’t make them again. If an opportunity comes up, evaluated the pros/cons & risk/reward. If it makes sense go for it.

2. Learn to Deal With The Haters - We know people will have their opinions and might try to push you to NOT do something. Here is an important phrase to learn. If you’re going to say it, you need to truly mean it otherwise it’s just another bit of overused bull shit

   “This is truly important to me and it would mean the world to me for you to understand that and support me”

Remember, other people don’t need to agree with you doing something, all they need to do is understand it’s importance to you and be supportive.

Conclusion

Regret of NOT doing something is one of the top items that the elderly bring up on their death bed.

On my journey to finding fulfillment in my own life, I’ve discovered that you need to:

1. Let go of the past and any previous regrets

2. Make sure you attack the future and avoid new regrets

Look at it this way, take a calculated risk. Better to try and fail than never to have tried at all.

For most people, their best case scenario in life is work 40+ hours a week until they’re almost dead. If you try and still end up there, it’s not the end of the world.

Might as well make sure we enjoy the ride!

Until Next Time!

-A.J. Zampella